Let’s talk about sex…anxiety

Research from Yoppie, the pioneers of personalised menstrual health, reveals that half of UK women have experienced sex anxiety at some point in their lives, and that barely 15% of them have ever sought help to ease the anxiety they feel.

How common is sex anxiety?

Sex anxiety is very common among women of all ages and the survey commissioned by Yoppie found that 50% of women have experienced it to one degree or another. 

In fact, of those who have, 51% experience it ‘regularly’, 13% said it happens ‘very frequently’, and 9% said it happens every time, or almost every time, they have sex. 

This leaves 27% who said they only experienced sex anxiety during their first time having sex, which we can all relate to.  

What are we anxious about?

When asked if they could identify the root of their sex anxiety, the most common answer, given was ‘negative body image’, followed by being judged by their partner for being boring in bed.

Anxiety about not being able to have an orgasm ranked high, while for some women the root cause was a previous, non-consensual sexual experience or encounter.

Wider relationship concerns, worries about the size or shape of their genitals; a previous, consensual sexual encounter; concerns about contracting an STD/STI; worries about being judged for liking unusual bedroom activities or kinks; and a religious upbringing also contributed. 

Because of their sex anxiety, 64% of women say that they have less sex than they would like, yet despite the way it can affect their lives, just 16% of women who have experienced sex anxiety have ever sought help by talking about it a therapist, a friend, or even their partner.

What causes sex anxiety?

Like a lot of other types of anxiety, the root of sex anxiety is often self doubt. People worry about their appearance, their performance, their connection with their partner, etc. Sex anxiety can also stem from past trauma. Unwanted sexual encounters, for example, can create a deeply ingrained anxiety around sex. 

How can sex anxiety be managed?

• If possible, people should work on becoming more comfortable in their own body. Self-esteem or confidence issues are hard to avoid, but making day-to-day changes, such as reducing excessive social media time and self-identified any self-hate talk, can make a gradual and very real difference
• Improve partner communication. A lot of women have worries about what their partner thinks of their body or sexual performance. The best way to overcome this is to communicate honestly. By knowing the truth, partners have the chance to step up and help.
• If sexual intercourse brings anxiety, it can sometimes help to do everything else except intercourse. Focussing on foreplay and removing the idea of penetrative sex can often calm the mind and perhaps lead to a moment where the anxiety can be overcome.
• Talking to a counsellor or sex therapist is essential if sex anxiety is rooted in past trauma. Talking to a professional who can shed light on the cause of anxiety and suggest exercises or techniques to improve it. GPs can often connect people with NHS therapists, or private options are, of course, available.

For more information on sex anxiety, including what causes it and more ways to potentially manage it, head to yoppie.com/blog/sex-anxiety. 

Founder of Yoppie, Daniella Peri, commented:

“Sex anxiety is incredibly common but, because it relates to one of our more private moments, it’s an anxiety that women will choose not to speak openly about. This decision not to talk about it only works to create more vulnerability and more anxiety and all too often it can be solved with a little communication. 

However, if anxiety is rooted in past trauma and, or, negative sexual experiences, it is always a good idea to talk to a professional as they will have the training and expertise to help you properly process these experiences.

The important thing to remember is that regardless of the cause, you’re certainly not alone. Understanding this is the first step in solving your sex anxiety.”

Survey of 1,795 UK women aged 18-51 carried out by Yoppie via consumer research platform Find Out Now (19th January 2022).