Time2Talk reply Worried GF

Dear Time2Talk

I dream every night about many things, sometimes they are about things that have happened, or things I want to happen.

Sometimes they are stupid weird things, but now I’m getting ones about my boyfriend. In the dreams he’s been going off with his ex, texting her or he’s kissed this girl we both know.

He ex always texts him, saying ‘I love you, give me a second chance please’ or she will tell him her problems.

He normally tells her go away and that he doesn’t want to know, but when she says about killing herself he will talk her out of it.

He’s having a sleep over party soon with four boys and two girls and we are all mates. I can’t go as I have work placement the day after and college work to do that night.

He originally told me it was only boys going, and he never asked me to go. My best mate is going, her boyfriend, and the girl who in my dream he kisses. There is also going to be drink at this party.

The last time my boyfriend drank in a party he ended up kissing two girls and one of them was her, but we weren’t together then!

When I tell him about these dreams, he says they wouldn’t happen, as I’m his world and he really loves me.

However, we split before because of what he was texting his ex. My dream before came true!

Could it happen again? Would it? What does my dream mean? Am I jealous? Should I be? Am I being silly? Should I tell him? How do I tell him?

Help

Worried GF

Dear Worried GF,

I’m no dream expert but an obvious factor to your disturbing dreams, could be that you are anxious about things going on in your life. Some of this anxiety seems to be that you are worried that your boyfriend may cheat on you.

There is a famous quote which I happen to love, which is ‘you cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it’. This means that you can’t control whether your boyfriend will cheat on you, but you have the control on how you respond to it, either by taking him back or not.

You can’t let something worry you that may not even happen. Relationships should be based on trust, and for you to be happy in this relationship, you have to trust him. If he is going to cheat on you, he will, and there is nothing you can do about it.

If he does, then he obviously doesn’t respect you, do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t respect you?

I would suggest that you tell him how you feel and talk through all your worries with him. Explain to him that it’s not appropriate for him to text his ex and that he shouldn’t feel blackmailed by his ex when she says she will kill herself. He cannot be responsible for someone making a serious threat like that.

Many people feel jealous at some point in their life, but if it is taking over your life, then I would suggest working on your own self esteem. You can do this by throwing out negative self talk; don’t allow yourself or anyone else to put you down.

Remember it’s only their opinion. Start accepting compliments by saying a simple ‘thank you’, and allow yourself to feel the feel good factor that comes with accepting a compliment. Look in the mirror and only see the gifts of your reflection and not the flaws. Start saying to yourself ‘I’m a wonderful person and I deserve to have wonderful respectful people in my life’.

Talking really is the best option for you, talking to him and maybe a close family member or friend is good too. Remember the quote, because you really can’t control his actions but it’s your choice how you respond to it.

Good luck!

Gemma