Time2Talk reply great pretender

Dear Time2Talk

I feel different to everyone else and it is causing me lots of problems. I’m gay and I haven’t ‘come out’ yet.

I don’t know how to feel or act, I pretend to like girls and cars, you’re usual ‘manly’ things but it’s all a lie. I desperately want to tell my family but I don’t know how they would take it.

Whenever a gay person comes on the TV, my father makes jokes. I’ve tried telling my mother but she just talked about the different fazes that someone goes through. I even confided in a what I thought of at the time as my best friend but he was disgusted and we no longer talk.

It’s not a faze, I’ve known for a very long time that I’m gay and girls just don’t do anything for me!

What do I do, is it normal to feel like this or should I just carry on pretending?

Thanks

The great pretender

Dear the great pretender,

There are millions of gay people in the world and you are most definitely not the only person to feel scared about ‘coming out’. How you feel is normal and the fact that you are not heterosexual is okay. Being gay or lesbian is far more accepted these days.

It must be awful to be living and not be able to be yourself around the people you love the most.

The fact that you have already tried talking to your mum about it is a good start even though she was playing it down. You have planted the seed so when you do decide to ‘come out’ it won’t be such a huge shock to her maybe?

I know you said that your Dad makes fun of gay people on the TV but this doesn’t mean that he could think the same about you, you are his son. Your parents may also need some time to get used to your news like you needed time too.

You say that you don’t know how to feel or act, so maybe you need to try and accept your sexuality and get used to it yourself before you tell the people close to you. Once you have accepted this it may make you feel stronger when you decide to tell your parents. Before you decide to do this you need to feel ready and not feel pressurised.

It maybe useful to predict different responses and think about how you will react and cope with all possible outcomes. It could also be helpful if you have someone that you’ve already told with you or maybe on hand ready to offer you support after you have ‘come out’.

When you’re in a good place emotionally you will be better equipped to cope with a potential negative outcome.

Let’s not assume that it will be negative, they may shock you and be very supportive.

I’m sure you don’t want to live a lie and feel trapped not being you.

You deserve happiness like everyone else and I’m sure it will feel great once you are able to just be yourself.

There is a helpline service called LGBT Cymru. They are open on Monday’s and Wednesday’s 7pm-9pm, their number is: 0800 840 2069

It maybe good to have people to talk to that have experienced what you are going through right now.

Also, I’m not sure how old you are but there is also a project for 14- 25 year olds in Llanelli called ‘The Launch Pad’, which is on Station Road. There are friendly supportive workers there, and again they maybe a good support to you at this time.

Remember you are normal and it’s good to talk.

Best of luck

Gemma