Phil Evans Comedy Blog Update

Blog Update. April 7th 2011

 

I’m sorry this update is a little late. I’ve been busy doing my bit for a new charity called Relief For Comics. It’s a wonderful cause and we work up to twelve hours a days, packing food parcels and sending them to comedians who can’t get on the telly any more.

 

 

No, the real reason I’m late this month is because I decided to take a little break and jetted- off, looking for some sun, sand, sea and sangria. Which to be honest was a bit over-optimistic of me, seeing as how I was going to Moscow.

 

I flew with Easy Jet. If ever there was a company that doesn’t live up to its name, it’s Easy Jet. There is nothing ‘easy ‘about Easy Jet. Not when you have to pay extra for every tiny, little, additional thing to make your flight more comfortable. I mean, okay, with cheap flights you expect to pay for your meal….and maybe a blanket and pillow too. But… your parachute?

 

It was a two-week break. The first week was half-board, the second week I was completely bored.

 

To tell you the truth, I didn’t feel especially welcome in Russia. Well for a start, everything ends in ‘…off ‘!

 

When I got back home, someone asked if I’d had a chance to look at the Urals. I said no, but when you’ve seen one Gents toilet, you’ve seen them all.

 

Well, now that I’ve tickled your funny bone – and if I haven’t, you’re going to find the rest of this month’s blog spectacularly disappointing – I want to finish off what I started a while back and talk about what it’s like to be a television warm-up man.

 

First off, and at the risk of putting myself out of a job, I’ve often wondered why it’s thought necessary that television studio audiences has to be warmed-up. It doesn’t happen anywhere else, does it? Audiences at the Welsh National Opera don’t need to have someone come out just before The Marriage of Figaro or Madam Butterfly starts, to bang out a quick fifteen minutes of arias, to get the audience warmed-up for the main event.

 

I’ve never been to a big West End musical and had some fellah with a microphone and a cheeky grin walk out on stage to crack a few gags, ask members audience where they’ve come from and then point out where the fire exits are, before the orchestra plays the overture and the curtain goes up.

 

But if you ever visit a TV studio for a recording of a show, whether it’s a sitcom, comedy panel game or The Ten o’ Clock News, chances are, before the stars appear to entertain you, you’ll be faced by me – or someone wearing a suit just like mine – who’ll walk out onto the studio floor with a microphone and a cheeky grin, crack a few gags, ask you where you’ve come from and point out where the fire exits are.

 

Some warm-up men (it’s a fact that almost all warmer-uppers are men) are content with their lot and don’t give two hoots whether they’ll one day become famous stand-up comics. In fact I know of one warm-up man who is so happy in his job, he doesn’t give two hoots, a fig , one jot, or a fiddlers fart whether he becomes famous as a stand-up comic. Now that’s one contented man.

 

The very best warmer-uppers can make good money, working pretty consistently, several nights a week – and also during the daytime, for shows like Loose Women, The Alan Titchmarsh Show and even Ready, Steady Cook. With a show like Ready, Steady Cook of course, the audience don’t just need to be warmed-up, they have to be kept continually on the boil otherwise the producer will give the comedian a roasting. Naturally, if he wants to keep his job, he’ll just have to simmer for a while and if he wants to curry favour, he’ll be forced to eat a large slice of humble pie, whilst trying not to show any sour grapes. As if he didn’t have enough on his plate.

 

Yes there’s plenty of work in television for a good warmer-upper, but the biggest volume of work is pretty much restricted to the London area. Now, I am aware that there is a small faction of Welsh people who, for reasons I have never been able to rationalise, hold a resentful attitude toward London, even if they’ve never been there! They resent the fact that many people think that London is the be-all and end-all, the centre of everything. Which of course in theatre, film and television terms it undeniably is. There aren’t many work opportunities for Ant & Dec, Graham Norton or Michael McIntyre in Ceredigion, as nice as the area is. Like it or not, London’s where the main network studios are situated.

 

Apart from the BBC studios in White City, there’s the London Television Centre, which for over twenty years was that television entertainment giant London Weekend Television , on the South Bank; Fountain Studios in Wembley, where The X Factor comes from; and Teddington Studios, just a short train ride out of Waterloo. Some sitcoms are even made at the famous Pinewood Film Studios in Iver, Buckinghamshire, thereby ‘Carrying On ‘the tradition of Great British Comedy. ‘ Carrying On ‘. See what I did there?

 

If you bear in mind that most of the above buildings have at least three studios under one roof, and are constantly busy with a succession of TV series, you can see that a warm-up man can do very well for himself, as long as he possesses talent, tenacity and most important of all, a copy of the London A to Z.

 

When I was asked to warm-up ” Barry Welsh Is Coming ” at the ITV One Studios in Culverhouse Cross, Cardiff, I was, as you can imagine, a little nervous. Not because of a lack of confidence in myself as a performer, because I was already experienced and successful (most nights!) at making an audience laugh. My trepidation was down to the fact that I didn’t quite know what was expected of me.

 

However, my mind was eased when the producers and the stars of the show made me feel very welcome and told me that if there was anything I needed, I only had to ask.

I think they were a little taken aback when I said I’d very much like my house painted and the garden re- turfed. But fair do’s to them, they sent a team of painters and a garden specialist around to my house the following day. Admittedly they got their wires crossed and I’m the only person in our road with a turfed house and a Snow-cemmed garden, but it’s the thought that counts.

 

I felt part of a very important team and my stress and confidence grew in equal proportion. I remember on one occasion, before a recording, the producer took me to one side…and left me there.

 

No, he smiled, put a friendly arm around my shoulder (leaving his other arm to dangle by his side in an un-friendly manner) and said “Paul….” he was a nice guy, but hopeless at remembering names, ” Paul…your job is as important as every other job on this show. In fact, at times it’s even more important! And I’ll tell you how important if you buy me another drink”.

 

Even more important! Wow! This felt really good to hear, so I came straight out and asked him for more money. The smile quickly vanished from the producers face and the friendly arm was removed from around my shoulder and replaced by an un-friendly one around my throat, as he said, menacingly, “You’re not that important…Pete! “

 

The whole crew warmed towards me and I was rubbing shoulders with ‘A’ class celebrities every night. I had no choice. We only had one dressing room.

 

Sitting in the green room after every show, I discussed comedy with influential writers and producers. Sometimes it was all so surreal I would pinch myself. I’ll tell you how highly they thought of me. On nights when I was busy talking and drinking and chowing-down on a pork pie & tuna baguette, they were good enough to hire someone else to occasionally pinch me.

 

John Sparkes was amazingly complimentary about my work.
A true gent and totally different off-set to his wild comedy image. In fact he’s a four-foot transsexual Latvian sheep-herder with a ginger wig. Totally different.

That’s enough about warm-ups for the moment, though I may return to them in my blog one day.

 

Next time around I’ll provide you with some more entertaining insights into what it’s like to be a working comedian. Unless I’m working. In which case I won’t have time to tell you what it’s like to be a….

 

Thanks for reading 😉