Tight Leather Trousers & Sex with Walls or; Science is a Mans Game.

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Today, as I was skateboarding around town, I realised something. Twenty-six years of age isnā€™t too old to be skateboarding as some people might think but it is, however, too old to be sh*t at skateboarding and that kinda sucks balls. Because Iā€™m sh*t at it.

I use to be pretty good at it. Flatland was my bag and my bag was always full, but you have this thing when youā€™re older that you donā€™t have as a kid. Itā€™s called ā€œfearā€ or something. I forget.

Itā€™s when you know something might f**k you up and I canā€™t really afford to f**k my face up anymore than it already is but Iā€™m cool as sh*t and part of being cool as sh*t is smoking fags, drinking gin, skateboarding and wearing leather trousers. Tight leather trousers. The tighter the trousers the cooler the dude. Thatā€™s the rule. Itā€™s science. You wouldnā€™t understand!

Science though! I do love me a bit of science. Real science though. Not like what I just said then about the leather trousers. That wasnā€™t real science, no-no, that was a ā€œjokeā€. I like jokes. A joke is basically a lie you can get away with.

If anyone ever has a go at you for lying, maybe you stole their last slice of bread for toast, forgot to invite them to a pub, or accidentally sh*t on their cistern while drunk on absinthe thinking it was a police car bonnet and youā€™ve been caught out lying about it just say ā€œI wasnā€™t lyingā€¦ I was joking!ā€

You get away with it 22% of the time. And I like those odds. I should also point out now Iā€™ve never been very good at gambling but thatā€™s neither here-nor-there. Or is it here and there? I forget. Iā€™m tired. Iā€™m also pretty sweaty from the skateboarding and according to a recent survey Iā€™m at my sexiest when Iā€™ve got my sweat on. Apart from the hangover sweats. Then not so. Or at least thatā€™s what the survey said.

I think that might be down to shaking like a sh*tting dog. I don’t think anyone who shakes like a shitting dog can be sexy. Unless youā€™re a dog with a sh*t fetish. Which I am not, despite what the rumors might say.

Speaking of rumoursā€¦

I remember going into school once when I was a kid and found out there was a rumour going around about me that the night before these three girls offered me a bl**job down this lane but the only way I could get an erectio

Bumming a wall. Honestly!

Iā€™m more of a hedge kinda guy.

Iā€™m also into this.


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