Today, as I was skateboarding around town, I realised something. Twenty-six years of age isnāt too old to be skateboarding as some people might think but it is, however, too old to be sh*t at skateboarding and that kinda sucks balls. Because Iām sh*t at it.
I use to be pretty good at it. Flatland was my bag and my bag was always full, but you have this thing when youāre older that you donāt have as a kid. Itās called āfearā or something. I forget.
Itās when you know something might f**k you up and I canāt really afford to f**k my face up anymore than it already is but Iām cool as sh*t and part of being cool as sh*t is smoking fags, drinking gin, skateboarding and wearing leather trousers. Tight leather trousers. The tighter the trousers the cooler the dude. Thatās the rule. Itās science. You wouldnāt understand!
Science though! I do love me a bit of science. Real science though. Not like what I just said then about the leather trousers. That wasnāt real science, no-no, that was a ājokeā. I like jokes. A joke is basically a lie you can get away with.
If anyone ever has a go at you for lying, maybe you stole their last slice of bread for toast, forgot to invite them to a pub, or accidentally sh*t on their cistern while drunk on absinthe thinking it was a police car bonnet and youāve been caught out lying about it just say āI wasnāt lyingā¦ I was joking!ā
You get away with it 22% of the time. And I like those odds. I should also point out now Iāve never been very good at gambling but thatās neither here-nor-there. Or is it here and there? I forget. Iām tired. Iām also pretty sweaty from the skateboarding and according to a recent survey Iām at my sexiest when Iāve got my sweat on. Apart from the hangover sweats. Then not so. Or at least thatās what the survey said.
I think that might be down to shaking like a sh*tting dog. I don’t think anyone who shakes like a shitting dog can be sexy. Unless youāre a dog with a sh*t fetish. Which I am not, despite what the rumors might say.
Speaking of rumoursā¦
I remember going into school once when I was a kid and found out there was a rumour going around about me that the night before these three girls offered me a bl**job down this lane but the only way I could get an erectio
Bumming a wall. Honestly!
Iām more of a hedge kinda guy.
Iām also into this.
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