Time2Talk reply The Gambler

Dear Time2Talk

I just don’t know what to do or where to go. I think that my husband has a gambling addiction.

I don’t just think, if I’m honest to myself he has got one. He spends most of his time either down the bookies or online gambling or ‘studying the form’ as he calls it.

We can barely keep our heads above water, if it wasn’t for my mother giving some money every week, the kids and I would starve.

My husband is always looking for that big win and it’ll get us out of debt but he’s putting us more and more into debt by borrowing money left right and centre.

He hasn’t always been like this, he was fine when he working but since being made redundant and not being able to find a job, he’s turned to gambling to try and make us money.

I’m at the end of my tether and don’t want bailiffs calling at my door but what can I do? Kick my husband out till he gets better?

Thanks

Gambler

Dear Gambler,

You’re correct! Your husband does have a gambling dependency.

You need to act on this immediately before things get worse for your husband, you and your family.

Have you spoken to him about this? If not then you will need to ASAP. Find out his thoughts on it, he may think there isn’t a problem. If this is the case then you will need to discuss further. Explain the consequences of his actions, and that if he didn’t have a dependency then there wouldn’t be a huge financial strain and you wouldn’t need to borrow money. Explain to him that his expectations of a windfall are not realistic, and that windfalls are very few and far between. Tell him that more is going out and nothing is coming in. Discuss the impact his dependency is having on his family and you are scarred of bailiffs coming to the door.

The reality is that your discussion may not touch the surface and may encourage him to hide his gambling even more. The truth of the matter is that he will only seek help when he is ready, and it maybe that he won’t be ready for a while, if ever.

Your main priority is to keep a roof over you and your families head and food in your bellies.

I would strongly advise you to move your money into a separate account for your rent/mortgage, food and other bills!

The best course of action for you is to find out as much as you can about support available and strategies that you can use. This can empower you to take control of this situation and hopefully minimise the affects on you and your family. You cannot control his behaviour, but you can control yours. When he is ready, you will have the information waiting.

There is a fantastic organisation called ‘GamCare’.

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/pages/about_gamcare.html

Helpline number: 0808 8020 133

GamCare is the leading provider of information, advice, support and free counselling for the prevention and treatment of problem gambling.

GamCare operates the national telephone and online helplines for anyone affected by a gambling problem and provides both face to face and online counselling, free to clients. The provision of face to face counselling reaches many parts of the UK and they are constantly developing the service to ensure that it is available locally. They encourage use of all their support services by any family members affected, to help address the impact on their lives.

There is also Gamblers Anonymous that has regular meetings in your area. http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/

It maybe a good idea for him to change his focus onto finding employment. Ask him to go to the Job Centre Plus to find out about training opportunities. Explain that this maybe a chance of a ‘change of career’. There are several training providers in Carmarthenshire that have the expertise to support him into a new employment opportunity.

Remember to ensure that he can’t access the money you need for food and bills. When he is ready, you can provide him with the support and information that he will need in order for him to access professionals help.

Good luck! You can get through this.

Gemma