TIME 2 TALK – CHRISTMAS

Dear Time2Talk

Soon it will be Christmas and this year I’ll be having both my parents around for dinner. The problem is that they divorced a few years ago, haven’t really stayed friends and now find themselves without a partner. So they’ve both decided to come to mine because ‘Christmas should be spent with family’. However, whilst my husband gets on with my father (they both could watch sports all day), he’s not keen on my mother. The both of them will also nitpick and try to score points off each other. How do I survive without banging their heads together?

Thanks Christmas Day mum

ADVICE: Dear Christmas Day Mum. I’ll get straight to the point and say – do you want them to come to yours for Christmas? I notice you say that they have decided to come, not that you invited them. You have a choice in this. My advice to you would be to take control of the situation rather than to feel like a victim. If you do want them there (maybe you also feel that ‘Christmas should be spent with family’) would you want them both there at the same time? From what you’ve said, I’m guessing not. You mention that your father enjoys sports, what does your mother enjoy? Can you organise the day so that they are there for the parts of the day they each enjoy or maybe plan something your mother will enjoy doing while your husband and father are watching TV? Also think about the Christmas you would like for yourself and plan for that. As much as you may want to include everyone at Christmas, remember it’s your Christmas too. Good luck.

Dear Time2Talk

I’m facing Christmas alone and it’s making me really depressed. All I can hear is my work colleagues discussing their plans for the day and it just make me worse. I came out earlier this year when I met my boyfriend, but my father hasn’t accepted it. Says I’ve brought shame to the family and how can I do this to the poor memory of my mother. The irony is that my mother knew all alone and just wouldn’t tell my father. I can’t spend the time with my boyfriend as he hasn’t come out yet and is spending Xmas with his family. Now I’m alone and I don’t know what to do.

Thanks Lonely at Xmas

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Dear Lonely at Xmas.

ADVICE: I’m so sorry to hear that your father finds it hard to accept your sexuality. I totally understand your feeling of isolation especially when it seems that everyone else is going to be spending time with families and friends. However, the reality is often far from that as I’m sure you realise. There will be many people who are lonely this year for one reason or another, some of whom would very much appreciate your company. Have you considered volunteering for a local charity at Christmas? How would you feel about helping to provide lunches for elderly or homeless people for example? Alternatively perhaps you would like to contact your local LGBT group and see what plans they have for Christmas? You could start by contacting Llanelli LGBT support group on 01554 772056. Are they arranging a Christmas lunch? If not, maybe you could offer to organise something? As well as feeling less lonely yourself, think of all the people you could help and the fun you could have. Failing that you may want to call the LGBT Cymru Helpline on 0800 840 2069. They provide confidential information, advice and support and will be happy to talk to you about how you feel.