Making Christmas special for children in care

Christmas can be a challenging time for children in care as friends get excited and prepare for a traditional family Christmas at home.

Handling this potentially tricky time for children in care is just part of the many considerations Action for Children’s Tan y Dre children’s home in Wrexham consider when providing a home from home experience for young people who have often suffered trauma in their young lives.

Whether it’s ensuring spending Christmas with their birth families or buying new pyjamas and watching films after a roast turkey feast, Tan y Dre goes the extra mile to make Christmas special for their children and young people.

Tan y Dre is a four-bedded therapeutic residential home for children and young people between the ages of 9-17 years. It provides support for young people who have experienced early life trauma.

Lacey’s Christmas

After suffering a significant trauma at an early age and a very troubled family life, Lacey (13) was put into care. Despite coming from the Bangor area, her last placement was a children’s home in England where family contact was not encouraged. Lacey did not thrive and in the course of one month was restrained 44 times. She came to Tan y Dre two years ago and has not been restrained once.

Noting her closeness to her grandparents, open access was quickly established with Sandra and Bob Thomas MBE and last year, Lacey stayed with them for four days over Christmas.

Lacey said: ‘I always enjoy Christmas but I enjoy it a lot more when I’m with my grandparents. My nain cooks lovely dinners and I really look forward to the presents. Last year I saw my cousins and family members which was really good though very noisy!

‘In my last placement, I couldn’t even go outside without someone following me around so at Tan y Dre, I’ve finally been allowed to breathe. They also do everything to make Christmas really good but you still can’t beat being with your family.’

Lacey’s grandmother, Sandra, said: ‘We’ve missed out on a lot with Lacey over the last six years and hopefully we’ll make up for it now. It’s very exciting having Lacey with us at Christmas especially as we haven’t been with her enough over the last few years and she loves coming to us which is lovely. Tan y Dre are so welcoming and it really is a home from home, you feel it as soon as you walk in. Lacey is happy here and that’s the most important thing.’

Grandfather Bob added: ‘We make arrangements well in advance and it’s a lot of fun with the other grandchildren, a real house-full. I’m looking forward to seeing her face as she opens her presents and I love seeing everyone together. We can’t say thank you enough to Tan y Dre for the way we’ve been treated. We’ve seen a tremendous change in Lacey since she’s been here which has helped us no end. We feel part of the family here – it’s not a care home, it’s a home and the staff treat you as one of their own too. The way they work with us as grandparents is excellent and we are happy Lacey is happy here as well – we can’t ask for any more than that.’

Paige’s Christmas

Paige, (15) has been at Tan y Dre for 3 years and will be at the home throughout the Christmas period.

She said: ‘I have a hard background like all the other young people here do but for me, we all have different qualities and different needs, so I think at Christmas is one of those special times and it’s really nice having Christmas here. We get to put our decorations up in our rooms and it’s homely as we have a little stocking outside our rooms. We then come downstairs and there’s a pile of presents just for us and that’s special.

‘They try 100% to get what we want and I know they’re not our family but they all have that family nature and I know they all love us to pieces. Christmas Day itself is amazing and I cry sometimes. I cried at my first Christmas here because of everything I got and I love it to pieces, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, I count these as my family.’

Caroline Morris, registered manager at Tan y Dre

‘Building relationships with birth families for our young people is extremely important especially for their identity. These children have been through a very traumatic time earlier on in life and for them to progress, if appropriate, their birth family relationship is part of the process whether it be grandparents, siblings, cousins or nieces and nephews, they play a significant role in those young people’s lives. So it’s really important we do our best to keep these relationships going.

‘From referral stage, if we know birth family relationships are appropriate then we do our utmost to ensure we can establish some kind of routine with phone calls, contact visits and we invite birth family to the home. I think it’s important they know where their children are living that they know their children are safe and being well looked after.’

‘When Lacey first came to us, she’d had a difficult time at her previous placement and the relationship with her grandparents deteriorated and not through the fault of them but the care placement she was in. She’d lost her native tongue as she wasn’t allowed to speak Welsh but since she’s come to us we’ve just been like an extended family. We’ve welcomed Bob and Sandra into the home and they’ve very much part of the care package and they feel like they play a big part in every aspect of Lacey’s life. It’s just gone from strength to strength and she’s going home again for Christmas which is brilliant.’

‘For the young people unable to go home, we make Christmas really special as it is a difficult time for children in care as it can highlight the family that they don’t have for some of the young people. We try to keep it as traditional as possible so we have the turkey dinner with all the trimmings, the board games and the chocolates. We have movie night on Christmas Eve and all have matching pyjamas so just the normal stuff families would do as that’s the way see ourselves, as their family. We never ever have a problem getting staff to work Christmas, they actively want to do it which to me, says it all.’