Here’s how to deal with anger from a loved one with Alzheimer’s or dementia

As Alzheimer’s progresses, the person experiencing it becomes more and more detached from reality. This can also affect their ability to control their emotions and ability to distinguish between what is real and what is not. Someone with Alzheimer’s who worked hard in their career for decades can become angered when corrected that they no longer work in their field. Because in their mind, they’re 30 years old and their next big meeting is in 30 minutes.

Lisa Skinner, behavioural expert in the field of Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias, has helped numerous families navigate the challenges of having a loved one diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementias over her 20-year career as a community counselor and regional director of senior care facilities.

“Anger and irritability are common responses to triggers when people suffer from Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. People with dementia have difficulty communicating to others. They may have trouble remembering things, reasoning, thinking, and finding the right words to communicate their wants and needs. Oftentimes anger is their way of letting one know that something is wrong. It’s rarely intentionally deliberate or to just be mean,” says Lisa.

Below, Lisa gives her top 3 tips for caretakers on how to remain patient and compassionate when their loved one is experiencing anger or irritability.

Tip #1: Use a gentle, reassuring voice
A calm and controlled approach will help to diffuse the situation vs. aggravating it. It will encourage your loved one to calm down rather than becoming more combative. Acknowledge that you understand that they are trying to tell you that something is wrong and reassure them that you are trying to get to the bottom of it so you can take care of it.

Tip #2: Redirect
Try to shift the focus of the anger by playing some relaxing music, or suggesting a walk or another activity. Always reassure them that they are safe.

Tip #3: Take a break or have another caregiver take over
If you feel like you’re losing control, walk away for a moment. Breathe deeply and regain your composure before trying to deal with an angry individual. Sometimes a “change of face”, or bringing another caregiver into the situation will resolve it.

Lisa goes on to say that, “It is important to be understanding and patient when a loved one becomes angry or irritable and to remain focused on what triggered the angry response. We know that there are certain triggers that can cause these episodes of anger, and almost always it’s because they are trying to tell you that something is wrong. Some of the common triggers include: the person may feel threatened; he/she may feel misunderstood; he/she may be embarrassed. Look for a physical cause. A person with dementia may not be able to tell you that he/she is in pain or discomfort, or feeling ill. Look for a cause in the environment. Are they too hot or too cold, etc. Look for an emotional trigger from overstimulation or boredom. Don’t react to the anger. Remain calm and most importantly, try to get to the root of what triggered the angry response.”

Lisa’s recently revised book, Truth, Lies and Alzheimer’s: Its Secret Faces explores true stories of families experiencing Alzheimer’s and provides evidence-based solutions to situations like the one mentioned above and many more.