Psychotherapist Noel McDermott Offers Parenting Do’s & Don’ts in a Digital Age

Psychotherapist Noel McDermott examines how the pandemic has changed our collective relationship to the online world. Changes that would have evolved over time happened overnight with many of those now being permanent. In the world of work from home, technology became paramount, and both young people and adults learned how to move into the online sphere to engage, to work and to play. Simply put, the virus changed the way we use the internet, and the online world is now a much larger and more accepted part of our everyday life for all the generations.

Online life and children 

Psychotherapist Noel McDermott comments: “Our kids are no longer odd in their embracing of the online space as necessity moved us all in that direction. Online gaming and online life have been seen as a challenge for parents with alarmist stories appearing, however, if gaming and online addiction were so dangerous a threat then the period of the pandemic would have seen a very significant rise in this so-called addiction, but it hasn’t*”. 

He continues: “For the very small number of kids who develop a gaming disorder it is a severe issue, and as with all psychological problems early detection and treatment is very important. However, for the vast majority of kids it’s not a disorder, but it may move from healthy to unhealthy and may need intervention. The first place to start in understanding if your child has gaming or other online issues is your child.” 

Do’s & Don’ts for parents

• Don’t assume that their gaming or other online use is automatically a problem, your kids may get their back up because you come into the conversation with them assuming it’s bad and they feel your only agenda is to stop them, to be honest they are usually correct in that assessment. The resistance you get will not be because they have problem gaming, but because they have a problem parent!
• Do take the time to find out what they like about the games and try to get inside their heads. 
• Don’t be a dinosaur about technology and online spaces, try to imagine going through the pandemic without being able to go online, how horrible would that have been for all? 
• Don’t assume this is all about being on their own and isolating. Most games are social now, played often between kids who know each other IRL from school etc and provide positive social glue to those relationships. Your child is playing with their computer and their mates and when you take away their games you are actually taking away their real-world friends. 

There are plenty of positives to gaming and online spaces for children and young people and we have to look at these issues in the round in this way, enhancing the positives and reducing the negatives. 

Positives to gaming and online spaces for children and young people

• Employment and education, using online tools and computers are essential in our world
• Employment as a gamer or games designer – there are many opportunities in this field
• Neurological growth, in opposition to the theory that being online rots your brain it usually enhances it, and it enhances the pro-social aspects of brain function 
• Gaming is increasingly a tool in mental health research and treatment 
• It is being utilised in medicine in pain management to reduce the opiate use in serious injury such as burns
• Developing friendships, yes, it’s one of the primary ways kids make and cement real world friendships and this can be particularly true for boys making friends 

We have to be realistic if problems develop that prohibition won’t work as trying to prohibit online activity from a person’s life is not possible. Everything is online, your fridge to your watch to your phone to your TV to your computer, to your work, your school, doctor, supermarket! What we need to do is work with children to help them manage online use. 

Signs that gaming is a becoming a problem:

• Consistent sleep deprivation issues due to gaming, affecting school etc
• Reduction in self-care and prioritising gaming 
• Not managing IRL interactions and actually replacing gaming ones for real world ones rather than enhancing or complimenting 
• Obsessing about gaming etc and only having this as a topic of conversation
• Not having any other interests outside of gaming and online activities

The best approach is always to talk to your child and help them manage more effectively, but if your child becomes angry and aggressive in their using or start to use drugs to prolong their sessions then seek professional help. The gaming use may also be a symptom of another issue so it’s important not to label until a proper assessment has been conducted. If your child is for example isolating and gaming due to bullying, diagnosing them as a gaming addict won’t help and in fact will cause severe harm. 

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care, and education. He has created unique, mental health services in the independent sector. Noel’s company offer at-home mental health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised care teams for the individual. They have recently launched a range of online therapy resources to help clients access help without leaving home – www.noelcdermott.net